Mystic Meanderings: Short Tales of Wonder and Fantasy by Kilmeny Reade

Author:Kilmeny Reade
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fairytale, fairy tale, retelling, collection, anthology, fairies, parody, finding fairies, cinderella, beauty and the beast, flash fiction, flashfiction
Publisher: Kilmeny Reade
Published: 2018-09-11T00:00:00+00:00

Gorgeous Girls and Beastly Folk

ONCE UPON A time there lived a wealthy family. It consisted of a well–meaning widower, his two snotty elder daughters of Little Consequence, his Inconsequential Sons, and his Slightly ClumsyYounger Daughter, who was referred to by all as Beauty. I don’t know how accurate a nickname it was, but obviously somebody thought so. Her clumsiness was mostly owing to the fact that she nearly always had her nose in a book and didn’t watch where she was going.

As often happens in these tales, her mother died before the story began. Then the her father lost all his wealth due to Great Misfortune. Thus the family was forced to retire to a Lowly Cottage.

Nothing of much interest occurred for quite some time, and the Family was mostly ignored by the Peasants of the Nearby Village. But some years later, the Family received word that Part of their Riches had been recovered and the Father set off on a journey to investigate the rumor. He then asked his Children what he might bring them on his return. The two Selfish Sisters begged for Jewels, Silk Gowns, and Other Preposterous Notions.

But Beauty, in a Grandly Timid and Unselfish Manner, clasped her hands before her, tripped over her Two Lovely Left Feet and said, “Father of mine, I desire nothing more than a Plain and Simple Rosebud, picked by your own dear hand.”

“To see you home again Safe and Sound, shall make me happiest,” would have been a Much Grander Unselfish reply, of course. But then, perhaps she really did want That Rose, and the rumors about her Unselfishness are Slightly Overdone.

The Tale does not record what the Inconsequential Brothers asked for. But I’m sure they wanted something. People usually do, you know.

While their Father was away, life took on Grander Meaning for the Siblings in the little Cottage. Or least it took on Some Excitement.

For one, the Nearby Village, hearing the Rumors of Wealth, suddenly began to shower them with attention. The Spoiled Sisters started Gallivanting About, buying New Gowns and Shiny Baubles, and Flaunting their supposed Riches in a Most Sickening Manner.

The Brothers (who weren’t Of Much Use For Anything) began to Run About the Countryside with Bad Company, Gambling and generally Drowning in Dissipation. It was then that one of their Wicked Compatriots, a Devishly Handsome Rogue, caught sight of Beauty and immediately fell Madly in Love with her—or at least with her Rumored Wealth.

The Rogue lost no time in Romancing our Clumsy yet Gorgeous Heroine. Being Cunning, as well as Devilishly Handsome, he asked her Brothers what sort of things she liked best. Thus, armed with a New Book and a bouquet of roses, he came calling and lost no time in falling to his knees, declaring his Undying Love.

Unfortunately, Beauty failed to notice, being already caught up in the first chapter of the Book.

“I said, I love you madly!” he cried for the second time. “Will you marry me?”

Beauty turned another page.

“Beauty, run away with me.

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